What I hate most about getting back to work is I don’t have time to see my baby at the hospital as much as before, I don’t express milk for her as often, and I feel like my life is just the same before I had her. It makes me feel guilty 
She’s still in NICU. Her last blood test showing that her trombosit’s increasing from 102,000 to 350,000 but her leukosit’s also increasing from 8,000 to 17,500. The most worrying part is her Hb which was only 11. The doctor said he will take another blood test tomorrow, if the Hb’s dropping to 10 then Anika will need a transfusion .
Anika Raissa, my beautiful rose.. Was born on May, 30th 2010. Weighed 650gr. Even with insufficient nutrition in the womb, she survived more than 7 months there! Subhanallaah.. The doctors said my umbilical cord’s very small, so she suffered a severe IUGR.
Now after she’s born, she needs to stay in the NICU for months until she gains another 1.5kg and manages to breath on her own. All I can do is just pray for my baby. Even with her tiny figure, she’s so lovable and I’m craving to hold her close in my arms soon..
My prayer for you my beautiful rose.. May Allah gives you strength and health, so you can come home to us, to the people who love you.. Amiin.
All this time I’ve been wondering what went wrong with my body, cause I’ve got this recurring fetal loss for 3 times now. The doctor who observed me always gave partial answers… Sometimes I even thought they were only guessing the problem.. I never got the answer.
And then I got pregnant again, just found out a few weeks ago. I’m thrilled, excited, but then again.. seeing my medical history in my last recurring fetal loss, I’m worried.
Last night we went to the doctor, and you know what? the doctor said my current pregnancy wouldn’t look so good either. Well, at least we had prepared ourselves to hear it.
Now the big question is, what’s wrong? We had gone through so many tests and the result was okay. Then the doctor explained.. the problem is in my body’s metabolism. And the cause to it was lack of exercise and sudden weight gain. Somehow my eggs are not ovulating perfectly, so the quality is not good enough.
Anyway, my doctor told me to have exercise.. starting… now! Even when I’m pregnant, I’m advised to go for exercise. Okay, I’m going to start exercising today… plus… praying of course.
Here are some references I found in the internet. I guess It’s quite helpful.
http://www.ivf.com/pcostreat.html
http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.cfm
Gimana perasaan kita saat kita tau orang yang kita percaya mengkhianati kita… sakit hati, marah, bingung?
Apalagi yang ada di otak kita bahwa orang itu adalah orang yang sangat baik… flawless…
Ya Allah, semoga Engkau memberikan petunjuk apa yang harus hamba lakukan sekarang… Amin.
